Aug 21 2010

Dear diary

I don´t even know why I´m doing this, writing to you. Maybe I don´t have anyone to talk to and I`m starting to feel alone, for real this time. Or maybe it´s because I know you´ll listen and won´t try to figure out why I am the way I am. I don’t even know why so how could anyone else figure it out?

Maybe that’s the problem. We listen to reply, not to understand. People search the boring clean instead of a little broken interesting.

Maybe I should tell you a little about myself. Of course using fake names, I can´t risk you finding out who I am. My name is Taylor. It might not be my first name, but it is my middle name. I figured I should give you just a little bit of truth. I´m sixteen years old. And that’s really all I can tell you about my life without making this a paper ark that might make someone reading it sad, or worse feel sorry for me. Not that I think my life is sad, but others seem to. Of course soon or later I`ll have to tell you about it. But not on the first page, a sad opening is never fun, is it?

Also I like leaving things a little unsure, mysterious. It keeps things a little more interesting.

Anyways, tomorrow is the first day of school. The first day of high school. And I Taylor Lowe am of course entering without any friends. Not that I really have had friends before, I´m used to it. But like I wrote, maybe I´m really is starting to feel alone this time.

I think I´m well prepared for tomorrow. My mum has bought me some pencils, notebooks and books with weird names she said I would need. That’s all you need, right? Not that it matters. Nothing really does, does it?

Love Taylor

Aug 22 2010

Dear diary

Well, first day of school is completed. I´ve got a couple of bruises on my right knee for tripping in the hallway and I accidently caught two girls making out in a janitor´s closet. Alto those kinds of stereotype things all belongs to the high school experience, doesn’t they?

This morning I walked through the big opened gate, entered the school and just stood there observing everyone and everything that was happening. Confused new students were running around locating classrooms and picking lockers. Maybe I should have done that as well. But all I could to was standing there watching everyone and wondering why they were there. How their life path brought them there. Wondering how my life path brought me there. Also just thinking about how everyone had been through different things, how those things had shaped them to who they are. And also how everyone has different futures ahead of them. How I have a unique future ahead of me, if I make it to that point.

It took a while to locate “classroom D” were my first class was being held. The school is quite big so by the end of the week my legs will probably be dead from running around locating myself.

The class was being held by Mrs. Dave. She was short and skinny. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail. Her class was quiet interesting, alto you really had to stay in focus to understand. Which I guess was quiet hard for the group of football playing guys sitting in the back. They all sat in the back looking like question marks and asking generally dumb questions. I couldn’t help but giggle a little some of the time.

In the lunch cafeteria I found a small table in the back of the room and sat there alone for a while. I have to admit I kind of hoped someone would sit next to me. Maybe another freshman without any friends was tired of being alone, just like me. We do feel better in other people’s company, I think so. But that is if the company is right. Otherwise it will have the opposite effect. From my own experiences I know that’s true.

The rest of the day was ok. My making friend’s mission didn’t really work out as I had hoped, but it never has. Maybe I have to change my attitude, something is wrong maybe it´s that. Since my hand is cramping and I have to do my homework I got today I´m going to have to call it for today.

Love Taylor